Merriam-Webster defines stress as “a state of mental tension and worry caused by problems in your life, work, etc.” This definition indicates that many experiences in our lives are not actually stressful to us. For example, a car accident may be stress that our body endures. This IS stress. Most often, however, the stress we experience is our mind’s interpretation of a situation and our worry about it. We stress about nagging bosses, frustrating spouses, and kids who never seem to listen. We get upset or fearful that their behavior means something and as such we have to respond. Take the following example. You are at the park with your kid on a play-date. Your child hits another child during play. All of the caregivers look at you to see what you will do. You immediately feel stressed. You worry that you will be judged for how you handle the situation. You worry that the other caregivers will think you are a bad parent. Worse yet, you worry that you are! This is the stress we create from our interpretation of an event. Why is this important? This distinction is important because it is freeing. Go back to the example above. What if I told you that every other caregiver is feeling support for you because they realize they might be overwhelmed if the same situation happened to them? What if they even want to say something supportive but are afraid you will be upset with them for butting in? Does this change your perspective? Does it allow you to realize that your response to this one situation does not define you as a parent, nor your child as who he or she will grow up to be. It is one small incident in a world of many to come. It is only a blip on the radar. Most of us will have more than one boss who annoys us, more than one partner who is frustrating, and many experiences where we repeat mistakes. It is our interpretation of these situations that makes or breaks us. So take a deep breath and shift perspective.
There are times, however, where we are overwhelmed by too many experiences and cannot shift our perspective on our own. When this happens seek out the help of a professional. A therapist can help you to explore the situations in your life and determine which necessitate stress and which ones can be overcome with a shift in perspective.
As always, take care of yourself!
Christine
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