I was teaching a parenting class yesterday and a couple was brave enough to share that their teenager hits them when he is upset. They feel powerless in the situation because they don’t want to hurt him or be arrested for violence, and when they try to talk with him he escalates to violence. As such he runs the home and they feel like prisoners. Sadly, this is not an isolated incident. Stories like this are happening in homes all over the country. Sometimes the child’s violence is towards the parents, sometimes it is towards siblings, sometimes property, and sometimes self. Whichever the case, the parents have a responsibility to help the child practice self-control and to help keep everyone safe in the home. Before I tell you what to do if this is happening in your home I will tell you what not to do.
Do not respond to violence with violence. This is not a “do as I say not as I do situation!” Whatever you put out you will get back from the child. You, as the parent, are a steward (a mentor) who is supposed to teach discipline and responsibility. Violence does not fall into those categories.
Now, what to do?

1. If it is a first incident, block the attempts to hit you, separate the child, and when everyone has cooled off implement a consequence. Example- “Son, today you didn’t respect me or this home so this week you will not be able to drive the car”. Let the child know that the next offense will be met with harsher consequences.
2. If this is not the first incident, be prepared to call the police. This is non-negotiable. If you are too scared to involve the police, who are there to help you, then your child learns that he/she can abuse you and get whatever they want. You will continue to be a victim in your home. Now, you may be saying that you don’t need the police and you can handle it. Physically I am guessing you most certainly can. But, this means you didn’t read the opening of this blog. You physically handling it can result in you hurting the child, you being arrested, you getting in trouble with the Department of Child and Family Services, and you causing permanent damage to your relationship with your child.
3. If the violence is continual, you should be taking your child to counseling. Something is wrong. A child or an adult wanting to act out now and then is normal. Actually doing it is something else. Actually doing it regularly is a problem and warrants professional help. There are mental health professionals who are used to dealing with this and can assist you in getting the help you need as a family.

Don’t suffer in silence. Abuse from a child to a parent is still domestic violence. There is help available to you.
If you want more information about this phenomenon, or if you need to talk please don’t hesitate to reach out to the staff at Conscious Living Counseling.
As always, take care of yourself.
Christine

Author Info

Conscious Living Counseling